My World of Metaphors

Every girls love chocolate, including myself, compared to apple.

My mom passed a glass of apple juice to me, again. I wonder what so great about it as it is not as sweet as chocolate and it doesn’t give me that sense of satisfaction like how chocolate would.

I stared at the glass of apple juice with full of discontentment. I hate it everytime I have to drink it.

"I guess you are focusing too much on ‘five minute’ rather than ‘five years’. Have you ever thought of what good does apple do to you rather than chocolate?" Mom asked.

I shook my head, trying to let my mom felt great.

"Darling girl, five minute of sourness can bring you beyond five years of benefits. Apple contains Vitamin C, which you have known, as well as a host of other antioxidant compounds, which may significantly reduce the risk of cancer. Whereas for chocolate, it will only cause you obesity and bring other diseases such as cardiovascular disease," she explained.

I rolled my eyes and gave her a boring look. "My point is, I want you to focus on long term health benefits rather than just a five minute short term pleasure, which you always complain it’s sinful whenever you eat chocolate - but at the end of the day, you still eat it!"

"Like it or not, you have to accept the fact that Granny Smith apple is sour - you CAN’T change it. I know you like sweetness, the most I can do for you is to add in syrup into your apple juice, that is MOST I can do for adapt to your preference and don’t ask for more!"

I can’t change the shape, the colour, the taste and even the seed of the apple - I just have to go with the flow and accept it as how it is for I have to only believe that it will only do good for me like how my mom has explained.

"By all mean you can go with chocolate and get all the sweetness you want in life. But don’t forget, you can never get any Vit C from chocolates and where does it bring you to after five years?"

"To Marie France Bodyline," I joked.

Best thing can’t be obtained easily, those that you can get without putting in any effort is not good in quality most of the time. Knowing a fact and accepting the fact are different stories too. Now, it again nails down to the same old point: the choice is yours. Have I made a right choice for taking the apple juice this time?

Guess it’s pretty hard huh. I have to bear with the sourness, accept the apple for how it is and hope that it will not bring me to Marie France Bodyline after five years - if I’m still taking apple juice consistently.

I have always remembered darling JY said that her mom said this to her: You choose your own life partner..

So happened that she said that today too. She was telling me what was the argument about and she was furious but helpless when she told me what happened.

I was poor in consoling her as I don’t think I’m in any position to condemn or even to give my comment. I felt her, but I was even sadder when my mouth has always kept quiet in comforting people - I’m juts bad at it.

Then it stirred all my emotions and my thoughts, has everyone around me chosen the right decision? When unhappy incidents happen, who is it to be blamed? I guess it is noone but yourself because you make the choice yourself.

I don’t feel good whenever I face this kind of situation. She is the closest person to me and seeing her going through this is not easy. I put my hats off for her when she was still smiling and joking around when I know deep inside her, she was just holding on to herself. That hits on me hard and reflects everything about me like a mirror.

I really feel the pain whenever my heart aches, the feeling of a needle poking me bit by bit is unbearable. Accidentally, I got a bladder cut on my finger - the blood bleed like how my heart did and my mind went haywire…

He watched contentedly at me while I was sleeping and he was hopping and clapping happily when I said I wanted to tag along for their groceries shopping.

I ended up reading at home when they went out, after I showed my face indicating to them how time wasting it was to me as I really need to read.

They come back with a handful of groceries, they were satisfied with the veges, the equipment and the food they bought from the nearby hypermarket.

They left me alone with my reading and the KFC, knowing that I would not feed myself when they were not around.

They went on cooking and preparing the dinner merrily. I guess she was glad to have him helping her out during her time in the kitchen and he has always loved to cook.

With the restructuring in my house, it is definitely a massive hassle to cook and thank god she has him.

Finally they were done with their preparation for dinner. The joy of eating home cook dinner was so genuine on their face and they even got more excited when my brother allowed them to bring the food as his dinner.

They went out gleefully with the bento. I did not see whether did he hold her hand when they walked down the steep staircase but I was certain that they were glad to be out again, especially on this full-of-love kind of delivery task.

Suddenly, I realise how bad I was to have deprived them, after hearing what others have said about them. How could I not believing in them when they are my parents? How could I not realise how proud they feel of me? How could I not know that they trust me so much that I think the business, the house and the relatives do not matter to them anymore? How could I be this cruel to have the external factors to blind me when they love me more than anything else?

I just want them to have a peaceful life as soon as possible; I just want them to be worry-free when they’re old; most importantly, I want to see them holding hand like how they used to be before they were married..

The crave for crab emerged again.

This is not the first time and this time, I even dreamt about it.

I feel like eating the crab but I am afraid to make the move coz I’m too scared to lose my fish which my mom has been feeding me everyday since young.

The crave happens whenever my mom doesn’t prepare any fish dish for my dinner, then, crab will reflexively turn into very scrumptious delicacy in my head even though my conscious is warning me that I have high uric acid.

Never in my life I have both crab and fish for a meal and I bet people seldom do that too…unless, you have crab now and reserve the fish for your next meal, or at least from a different restaurant.

The crab is just too tempting; however, the fish is starting to give me that why-don’t-you-love-eating-me-anymore kind of  innocent look..

Oh crab, please blame my mom for not feeding me with you since I was young; please try not to look so delicious to me; most importantly, please don’t come into my dream anymore.

…coz if you ever do, I will tell you that I’m not leaving my fish because it provides more protein and omega-3 fatty acids than you! But oh crab, your outlook really memorizes me and for that, I’ll miss you and your aroma - they will live with me..

It’s a lie! It’s a lie! Look at what MyHeritage.com has done to me!

Me = 80% Jang Nara?! Look at how sweet is she and look at how evil and kiddy am I!!

I doubt MyHeritage.com’s accuracy! I bet the website only recognises and matches my FRINGE!..and yes, trust me, that’s all they did!

When I uploaded my previous hairstyle..

Ayumi pulak?! Fauziah Latiff?! *faint* Look at all these celebrities, what do they have in common?! Yes, I hear you saying that — told you! they detect my FRINGE.

Want more concrete evidence that they only detect fringe? Check this out…

71% resembles to Andy Lau?! What the $^%!&?*#@!! Seeeee! They put Andy Lau’s old photos with THAT fringe!

Eloooow! I don’t have Adam’s apple and I DO have boobs! (although it might be small) Pulleeeeeazz!!

You attribute "professional" to a person when he/she..

…can totally understand and react towards "work is work"

…will never blame you for whatever decisions you made as it is all about the work afterall

…will screw you terribly in work and still be friend with you at non-working hours

…disciplines himself/herself at work as set as a good example for his/her subordinates to follow while will play madly (with certain acceptable level of wildness) after non-working hours

…promises to keep the secret after digging from you and advise you not to tell others for your own interest while he/she will not spread the secret out himself/herself after promising you

…is highly organised and can deliver on time whatever he/she has promised

…can rationally differentiate ‘partnership/friendship’ and ‘resignation’ and sees that there is not connection between these two entities

…dislikes a person for the person’s poor working attitude but will not spread the words around and influences the others to have the same opinion like his/hers (and boycott that person eventually)

…will not point fingers at other parties and instead questions himself/herself for the cause of the happening

…will keep whatever he/she has heard to himself/herself as he/she knows that the moment a news is spread to him/her means the rumours will be curbed by him/her in order to prevent company’s instabilities

…will never question what the others are doing and judge them as slacking as he/she knows that he/she will never understand what others are doing until he/she gets the chance to switch his/her role with them.

…believes in giving second chance to everyone as all humans make mistakes

…will never reveal his/her professionalism, brag about his/her vast knowledge, boast his/her identity or even claim that he/she actually knows the nephew to the son of the sister-in-law of the royal family until you discover it yourself

…continues to motivates the staff as if the best will come tomorrow even if he/she knows the darkest side of the company

Definitely there are more definitions on ‘professional’ and I’m yet to discover the rest. You’ll be surprised that I did not learn all these from an established company with rigid working structure. Ironically, I learned from a newly founded company which is only two year-old.

Sometimes, the best thing comes from the worse condition that noone can ever imagine of. You don’t learn when everything has arranged for you, instead you learn only you stumble. I’ve learned all these #14 points but that doesn’t mean that I’m one, but at least I’m trying..

Oh yea, the 15th attribution of ‘professional’ I’ve learned is..

…to hide under your working station in order for you to listen properly on the phone *hehe*

p/s: note my lovie pinkie bolstie ^^

Oh gosh! After four months Friendster blog still doesn’t have any improvement on its UI and features! *faint*

Anyway, here’s what you should say when you see this entry of mine..

WELCOME BACK, BIATCH!

Ya, I’m calling myself, don’t doubt it. I never doubt myself that I’m a bitch, but at least I’m not a slut.

Anywayz, I’ve decided to come back here to blast with my thought and opinion that will give a chill in your spine. Well, ya, I’m not that influential actually, just that sometimes, self-encouragement is a necessity for the inferiors to progress.

Okay, tell us what have you been up to in these four months, I heard you asking. Nothing much, I could describe everything with just four simple words:- I misplaced my smile.

I definitely know where I misplaced it but the place was just too huge for me to find. The saddest part is, when I looked myself into the mirror last week and try to force a grin on my face, I realised that my muscle got harden and the smile is so fake!

No joke, I am filled with depression, anger, frustration and irritation and I wish I could pour all these into Pacific Ocean and let them flow away and never come back. The hardest part is that I still need to motivate the others and disguise the fact that I’m totally demoralized and devastated.

I guess I really need to let go what I’m holding stubbornly in order to regain the self when I shout crazily, laugh madly, talk friendly and live enthusiastically.

I envy those who have burning passion in whatever they do;
I envy those who can laugh happily everyday like nothing else could ever bother them;
I envy those who have the mindset of everything-is-just-a-small-matter;
I envy those who have plenty of time to reach a balance in life;
I envy those who can deliver their work in short time with zero error;
I envy..I envy..I envy..

I once remembered that my darling told me best friends are kept if they are not your working partner. I guess she is correct and I miss those who put in effort to call me on my birthday eventhough I can’t talk to them for long.

I nearly burst into tears when Zhen called me and sang me the birthday song. I’m serious. For the first time I felt so warm after five months, that I’m not forgotten, that I’m still on the mind of those who really care about me.

Nevertheless, I’m most grateful to have this lovely pressie on my birthday..

I have fully utilized this and you were to notice, I actually hang my earrings both side and yet, I still have more than 10 pairs which couldn’t fit in!! LOL. Thanks to my sweet sweet and dak cik colleagues for this present! ^^

Well, it has been nine days and yet I still miss her very very much. I’ve been thinking about her literally every day and I’m sure things are worse with my mom..

I hope you have find eternal peace;
I hope you have found and met with him;
I hope you are on your desired path;
and you know you’re forever missed.

With all these happened, I’ve once again tired of my life. I couldn’t and I know shouldn’t blame anyone but instead, I need to constantly flash back and think of how should I improve and how else I could have done better given different scenarios..

"Stop asking why, and think of how." It is the most powerful phrase that he has ever given me. Yes, I should stop asking why are all these things happening to me and start thinking of how can I solve these problems of mine and move on with my life.

Before that, are you willing to give me a hand and pat me on my shoulder to assure and encourage me that "I’m with you"?

I was cleaning my room when…

I heard..
The wind was blowing
Should I listen to how strong it blows?

I saw..
The leaves has been blowned away from my yard
Should I sweep them back to where they are supposed to be?

I used to go along with the wind
and let it take me to where it wanted to

I used to play with my dog
and had my gardening with the leaves scattering around

With these that have been taken away from me
I realise I was too bothered to clean my room.
The floor was still covered with dirt
My books were placed everywhere
My bedsheet was crumpled

Then I remembered
My mom asked me to clean my cousin’s room

Should I?
Should I not?

After all these craps
I found out that there is only one thing important to me
….My room

I don’t care
How strong is the wind

I don’t care
Where the leaves have blown to

I don’t care
How dirty is my cousin’s room

All these have nothing to do with my room
And my room is the one and the only thing which will be with me forever
Why should I give a damn to the wind, the leaves and the cousin’s room?

If the wind is blowing too strong
Look at the Sun;
If the leaves have been blowned away
Look for the fruits;
If my cousin’s room is too messy
He should be cleaning it himself.

As long as I keep my room tidy and clean, that will be the only thing in my life that I ever have to be concerned of.

I was crying the moment I stepped out of office.
I was devastated. For all the works that come to me at once, for all the
hindrances that I face in completing my task, for those people in so-called assisting
me in achieving the common goals..

I started my routine job at 6.30pm. Oh, did I hear you saying that is after
working hour? Anyway, I’m just frustrated. It is very demoralizing when people
start to demotivate you when you have so much passion in what you want to do.
Yea, that’s the world we need to live in—the world doesn’t go your way.

For the business development, for the public
relations, for the news release, for the game catalogue, for the SMS testing, for
the website update, for the on-and-off follow up meeting, for the ad-hoc
meeting, for the ad-hoc task, for the sales, for the disciplinary board, for
the cost saving committee, for the sports club committee, for the initiation of
Malaysia’s CP association.. I’m not metal-made.

Again, it down to how I take it. Some suggested
me to complain, some suggested to reject, some consoled me, etc.. I’m that kind
of person who won’t give away my work and I take them all in. Then, I started
to stress myself up and my baby always ended up as a poor innocent victim.

Yes, work is only assigned to the appropriate
candidate and I need to constantly remind myself on that in order for me to rejuvenate
myself. But how it is possible when I see my surrounding neighbours have left
and enjoy futsal, good movies or perhaps a sound sleep? Then, for the voluntary
effort that I put in for this, he is there smoothing the entire process…Thank
God! For heaven sake, please kill me that I have to work in such condition; please
kill me that I need to cooperate with such person, please kill me that I’m
working my ass off from home, please kill me that my work pours in continuously…please
please please, will ya?

一个很久没有看见的她，那天在咖啡店与我聊了整个晚上。。

“没错，我是很爱他啊！他真的让我觉得很幸福。”她说。

“那你还有什么不满的地方？”我知道，女人说的话总是自相矛盾。

“也不是不满，只是不高兴。”她皱起了眉头，语气开始降低了下来。“起初，我俩天天都在一起，或许是甜蜜期吧！现在，朋友这儿，朋友那儿的。”

“那相比下，他与你相处的时间比较多还是与朋友多？”

“那还是与我在一起的时间多。”

我无奈的眨了我的双眼，提议说：“为什么你不参他的朋友？那他所有的时间都是和你了咯！”

“你以为我没尝试过？我还是很努力那个去融入他的朋友圈子里，但就是不行。和他的朋友在一起，我真的很不自在。要知道不是每个人都可以结交成朋友。”

“是你太择友了吧？”我停顿了一下，“但以你的个性，你不太像是这样的人。”

“我只可以说，我和他的朋友完全是不同世界的人，所以我是真的尽了我的所能。”她深深的吸了一口气，无助地呼出她所有的无奈。

“但亲爱的，他总应该有自己的时间去找朋友啊！你也不希望有一天他禁止你出外找姐妹喝茶吧？”

她轻轻的点点头，赞成我的说法。“我想，我其实知道问题出现在那里。或许因为我不太喜欢他们，所以当他说要和他们见面喝茶看戏时，我就不太高兴。其实他每一次和他们见面，一定都有叫我去，但是我会宁愿他陪我。”

“我知道我不对，”她继续说，“但我就是很自然的会不高兴。而且，我发现到，我最近和他起争执的原因都围绕在他的朋友上。很搞笑，是不？”

我给了她一个温馨的微笑，轻抚着她的头说到，“谈恋爱本来就是两个人的事，为什么你要牵连其他无关痛痒的人进来？”

她逐渐地低了她的头。

“还有，当我说谈恋爱是两个人的事的时候，并不等于你把你的世界只局限于你和他。算我乌鸦咀，要是你只把你和他套在你的世界里，一旦你们分离后，你岂不是世界末日？亲爱的，你也应该自个儿找朋友啊。你看，你消失了多久后我今天才有这难得的机会和你见面？！”我捏了她的脸峡。她终于露出了笑容，虽然我也不是很清楚那是否是打从内心的笑容。

“你是珍贵的，偶尔应把他甩一旁，去享受你的Girls-night-out，由或者去找一些向我这样的朋友，朋友越老越好，与他们相聚，你会发现，生活真的很有意义！”我给了她一个拥抱，也发现我的肩膀逐渐被她的泪水淋湿。

                                                          -完-